So my friend J is vowing to write in her blog everyday as a start toward her ultimate writing goal of eloquence and profundity. And considering my desire to be a writer, I’m thinking I should make the same goal. Bad habit to break #1: stop starting sentences with the word “so.”
I have been struggling lately with feeling like I’m not living up to my potential. It isn’t because I’m not working outside the home or not bringing in money. I know that what I do around the house (when I do it) is important and meaningful and I get joy out of it. I love the evening of the day spent cleaning and doing laundry, looking around at the uncluttered, dust free, shiny home that I made happen, relaxing in front of the television watching a movie or knitting because I worked hard all day and I deserve it. I’ll tell you that if I had felt that way in my last job I would have stayed as long as they would have had me. There’s nothing like doing what you do well, knowing it inside and out, and seeing the rewards of a job well done. And I want to continue taking care of hearth and home but I also feel like I need to be doing something else. I would love to get a writing gig, as I’ve stated here before on numerous occasions. I have also stated here on numerous occasions the hurdles of fear I have to sprint over before I’ll ever be able to do that successfully. Not caring what other people think. That’s hard for me. I wish I didn’t give a damn but I do.
I have to break free from the prison of my own making and let, no, make myself do those things of which I am afraid. I also would like to start volunteering on behalf of the homeless and that scares me too. Apparently I get scared putting myself out there in any capacity. I’m very comfortable staying at home, alone, doing my thing here in the privacy and anonymity of my life. But what I can see down the road if I don’t break out of this comfort zone now is scarier still. I don’t want to be an old woman afraid to get on a plane, go into the city, drive my car, go to the dentist, the doctor, the grocery store.
Maybe I need to go to therapy. Hm, maybe not. Maybe I’ll use writing as therapy. Maybe I’ll write honestly and from my gut and in doing so, I’ll uncover why the hell I’m so afraid and so worried of backlash, negative reviews, and being disowned. I have a feeling there’s a story in that.
Thumbs up. If you write every day, I’ll ready every post.
I hear you loud & clear. I think most people carry that feeling of not living up to their potential with them all the time. I know I do! And sometimes it’s hard to just find the right place to start. But keep thinking about it and writing, and it will come to you! Then tell me so I can figure it out, too!